I question myself as I look back at why I started this blog. Because I have struggles with being content in relationships. When I feel like I have helped my man as much I can, I’m really to leave. It’s doesn’t matter if I’m married or just have a boyfriend. I just can’t find long term happiness with them. It’s my fault since I continue to find men who need someone to clean up their life. I have a savior complex, no matter how much therapy I been in, I can’t stop. Why my need to fix?
I don’t have daddy issues; my parents were married for almost 50 years, not perfect but decent. Where did this problem within me come from? There has been not clarity from psychologist or counseling in over 18 years. No amount of behavior modification helps the urge nor medication.
Honestly, I hate feeling this way. Actually, I dream of being with someone who will take care of me, be conscious of my feelings, desires and needs. It seems I am constantly battling the lack of ability for my men to change. It is because I ask too much or expect them to want something more. You know, the changes are minor such as keeping their finances in order, clean up after themselves, taking care of their personal possessions….minor things really. It’s not too much to ask.
Where do I go from here? How do I find a happy place within my noise soul?
Woman at the Well 