I desire to have things back I have lost. Are we made to desire the negative?  Is it Satan who gets into our minds to make us desire all things bad for us and can destroy us?  I’m not just talking about a craving for chocolate but a true desire.  I’m speaking of sex, lust, greed/envy, gluttony, pride, anger and selfishness. Dante and Chaucer both spoke of this as being contrary to the 7 virtues(Chastity, temperance, charity, diligence, patience, gratitude, humility)  give to us by God. The Catholic church view them as Cardinal sins which require extreme act of penance.   Aristotle argued the each positive quality there are 2 negatives. Horace stated “to flee vice is the beginning of virtue, and to have got rid of folly is the beginning of wisdom”   (Hor.Ep. 1.1.41-42).

Even a modern day, Billy Graham spoke of these in his book Freedom From The Seven Deadly Sins and “Things God Hates.”  

What does God hate, you ask? Solomon answers the question in the Book of Proverbs. We read: “These six things the Lord hates, yes, seven are an abomination to Him: A proud look, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked plans, feet that are swift in running to evil, a false witness who speaks lies, and one who sows discord among brethren” (Proverbs 6:16-19).

First, God hates a proud look. The Bible says, “Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall” (Proverbs 16:18). It says, “those who walk in pride He is able to put down” (Daniel 4:37). And again the Bible says, “Behold, I am against you, O most haughty one!” (Jeremiah 50:31).

Who among us can relate to committing these offense?  I can, each and every one of them.  No matter whether we are looking at Dante version or Billy Graham’s they are the same in different words. We are all sinners but to what extent to we continue our crimes against our Lord?  What causes us to desire the flesh and not to adhere to the voice of God to resist the temptations of Satan?

Philippians 4:8 “Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.”

We may need an accountability partner or someone to lay hands on us if we are filled with demons we can’t control.  I, myself need an accountability partner. I have been chosen by God for a mission and my pride keeps me from serving. Satan sits on my shoulder telling me I’m not worthy, I’ve had too may husbands, I have cheated on my husbands, I lust for others, I have drank too much and become drunken fool, I have been envious of other success and worldly goods….I can continue to show the grave sins I have committed. I am a sinner and fall short of his glory each day, sometimes worse than the day before. What makes us sinners of the flesh?  Is it easier to do wrong than right? At times it is easier to give in to the flesh, just be honest. It feels good when we drink a bit to much, it feels good when we enjoy the touch or attentions of someone besides our mate, it feels good when we can buy what we want or go on European trip, it feels good when we eat that extra piece of pie. it’s not that I enjoy doing wrong, it’s that is it comfortable.  I can be lazy as well.

Just part of the human flesh desires, I want to be touched sexually. At this point, I want someone to touch me and allow me to feel the flesh releasing the passion. I have not had a true sexual connection in almost a year. Married, I maybe, however, it feels like a room-mate sleeping in my bed.  We rarely touch or even kiss. he uses his health as a reason however, I think he doesn’t desire me. I want to be desired and feel like a married woman. Yes, I have talk to him very directly but it is of no avail. I just wonder

I have a hard time releasing that demon. I would say that is my weakest fleshly desire. I love the feeling of sex and it make me hungry for more and more.  I fight off that deep desire every day.  Each day gets a bit easier and them BOOM!! a trigger, I’m weak again.  Partially selective but at times, I have no cares as long as I feed my sexual appetite. I go through this over and over. I fight with my inner self to contain this sinful lust.

I miss dancing every Friday night because it allowed me an outlet for my lust. I feel relieved of those desires. It allows me to flirt without fear and to dance my troubles away.  I hate the pent up hostilities of my sinful nature. Maybe, it is a somewhat healthy release.  I know my self fights against good vs evil in thought, words and deeds.

¹⁷ For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do. ¹⁸ But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law. ¹⁹ Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, ²⁰ idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions,²¹ envy,^[a] drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do^[b] such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.  Galatians 5:17-21 English Standard Version (ESV)

How can we stay away from those things which harm our spirit?  According to some, we have inherited the nature of sinful behaviors from Adam.  ” the sinful Adamic nature that uncontrollably longs to sin; totally corrupt and evil; inheritance of the sin of Adam; that part of man that is intrinsically sinful; the lower and base nature of man with which he is born that is inclined only to do evil and no good…”  http://www.bibletruths.net/Archives/BTAR201.htm           

How can we inherit something from someone from 3000 years ago? The flesh provides the occasion and stimulus for a number of sins.  We fight against the flesh daily according to Paul: “ but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places” (Eph. 6: 12).  We must learn to control our desires. Proverbs 14:9 states it, “Fools mock at sin, but the righteous seeks to discern his way.” We must lean on Jesus to help us with the carnal sins. We must stand up to Satan, he is a deceiver.  Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour. Resist him, steadfast in the faith, knowing that the same sufferings are experienced by your brotherhood in the world. 1 Peter 5:8-9 

Satan will devour us in causing us to fall and sometime hard. I have fallen many times hard and destroyed my life.  In  essence it also harmed my children’s lives.  I failed them many times because of my lustful flesh.  I didn’t mean too harm them, it was just a result of my sexual appetite.  It caused my marriage to crumb. It wasn’t just me but we both were sexual involve outside of our union.  I feel we didn’t mesh sexually and we both found others that mesh with our desires.

So, let me explain. He was a rough person and handled me in that manner, he was selfish and didn’t care if I “finished” as long as he did.: even a kiss was forceful. I, on the other hand, was soft and wanted to please another before making sure that I was fulfilled. To me it was more than wham! bam! thank you mam’ . For me  it was a time of emotional connection and well as sexual fulfillment.  But those feeling of how we sexually perform help to destroy our lives together.  Yes, we both committed adultery. However, each knew about the other’s activities. It was not completely in secret.  I crossed the line by falling in love with someone else who knew how to please me in many ways.  We divorced due to my feeling of resentment towards him. I was angry with him for allowing this to become part of our lives.  He introduce this “open marriage” idea to me. He got more sexual fulfillment than I ever did. He understood that “don’t connect just sex!!” theory, I didn’t. I needed more and I’m not wired that way. According to Psychology Today, Incidence rates for open marriage in the United States are somewhat dubious, but spanning estimates have ranged from 1.7% to 9% (Blumstein & Schwartz, 1983; Haag, 2011, Spanier & Cole, 1975; Veaux, 2013).   I’m sure statically speaking more than 50% have had an extramarital affair.  there are so many reason’s why for both men & women.  lack of security, sexual desire, lack of attention, outlet for frustrations, and the list might go on.  For me it was about lack of attention in several parts of my life. I needed affection, nurturing, tenderness, encouragement and sexual fulfillment. It was everything I needed but, in the end….again it damaged my children without a thought in mind. BF wouldn’t commit. It would be great for 9 months then his eyes would start roaming. On again)off again was the way for 3 years. I finally gave up and distanced myself from him.  This story is for another blog. 

You have an adversary who wants to attack your desires, your thoughts, even how you see and treat your body. So you and I need to be on guard against evil and Satan’s schemes. According to 1 Peter 5:8, “Your adversary, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour” (NASB). But God’s Word also gives us a strategy against those attacks by telling us to “Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes…” (Ephesians 6:11-18). I find it interesting that every piece of “armor” described in that passage refers to the character of Christ. In other words, put on Christ-likeness – abide in Christ – and you will fend off the attacks of the enemy.  St Micheal can be our intercessor. We must find the place we can rebuke Satan and dissolve our sinful nature.

Lord Jesus Christ, I place myself at the foot of Your cross and ask You to cover me with Your Precious Blood which pours forth from Your Most Sacred Heart and Your Most Holy Wounds. Cleanse me, my Jesus, in the living water that flows from Your Heart. I ask You to surround me, Lord Jesus, with Your Holy Light.

St. Michael the Archangel,
defend us in battle.
Be our defense against the wickedness and snares of the Devil.
May God rebuke him, we humbly pray,
and do thou,
O Prince of the heavenly hosts,
by the power of God,
thrust into hell Satan,
and all the evil spirits,
who prowl about the world
seeking the ruin of souls. Amen

Almighty God, our heavenly Father:
We have sinned against you,
through our own fault,
in thought, and word, and deed,
and in what we have left undone.
For the sake of your Son our Lord Jesus Christ,
forgive us all our offenses;
and grant that we may serve you
in newness of life,
to the glory of your Name. Amen.    Read more: https://www.lords-prayer-words.com/prayers_before/prayer_for_forgiveness.html#ixzz5uWCAUSym

Here is a link for a specific pray for each of the deadly sins.  https://thevalueofsparrows.com/2014/10/27/prayer-the-seven-specific-prayers-against-the-seven-deadly-sins/

Do we really know ourselves? Do we want to know who we are?  Many times were float with the wind and go wherever people expect us to go. We change with our friend groups. With our work friends we usually act different than with our at home friends.  We may be a different person around our church friends and don’t let them see who we really are.

We are all sinners and the church is a place for those needing healing.  It’s not a place for saints or those who are perfect but, you must admit you faults or sins and want repentance. We are all capable of being mean, cruel and hateful. Do we act on those behaviors on a regular basis?  Do we have bad habits like smoking, dipping, getting drunk, cussing often or picking our nose? We desire to please others but it is more important to please God or ourselves (if you don’t believe in GOD). Pleasing other will lead us to a very stressful life. We need to lie, sacrifice, pretend, always give in to others, and smile a lot. We don’t use our voice or have opinions. We just agree with everything or go along no matter how we personally feel. How to we chose to be ourselves and not be a people pleaser?  We just learn who we are and focus on our strengths. We need to be kind to others however, create good boundaries.

Forgive yourself for the wrong choices that you’ve made in the past. They are not evidence of who you are, they are evidence of who you were.

I never thought I would see the massive changes in our small world during my lifetime.  How things have gone to the extreme.  No one or thing is off limits nor no matter how long ago it happened.

We have been attacking our President since he came into office. No respect for the man or the office.  We no longer stand for the national anthem. Flags don’t fly over businesses. Nothing is sacred in this country any longer. We side with the “oppressed” no matter what the masses need the “special” get the attention. We see that these “special” get their way at the cost of everything this country was founded on. This Nation is failing. Is there any hope or is this the plan of God for the end of times? I think the Bible talks about the END in literal terms with some metaphors.

It used to be that the American Flag stood high over everything. I noticed this morning that car dealerships don’t have them any longer, very few businesses fly them. We don’t see them often in peoples yards.  At sporting event they are digital on the jumbotron.  The praises of this Great Nation are no longer sung. We are not proud people, we are just fighting for our spaces against those “special”.  No longer is the Farmer, Military,  Veteran, Elderly, Pastors, Teachers or Police respected. What a sad world!

For nation shall rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom: and there shall be earthquakes in divers places, and there shall be famines and troubles: these are the beginnings of sorrows” (Mark 13:8). We see nations continuing to fight. Terrorism at an all time high. Bombing of Churches, schools, and gathering places, no regard for life. Everyone is pushing for their own agenda. People starving, natural disasters causing loss of life in several places.

“The humanistic, secular culture of the West, especially throughout England, the United States, Canada, Australia, and New Zealand, has reduced and/or diminished the name of Jesus Christ from any public influence and/or display except in the area of the Church. Currently, there are movements trying to rid the educational systems of any Christian influence, as it is in politics or on government buildings. Today lawsuits are targeted in many instances to confront Christian values with the growing humanist “value system” within our culture. The abandonment of the God of our Bible and Judeo-Christian values is fast becoming evident to many throughout the West.” (https://www.cgi.org/evidence-of-the-end-times). This is so true as I see Jesus, God and the Holy Spirit are given so little thought. Chruches have become concert halls with very little preaching of the word of God.  Drawing the young into the open community. It’s almost like an open marriage, do what you want with who you want. We will stay togather as long it is a 2 way street.  But, that doesn’t work well becasue someone always feel slighted. Someone in the marriage gets more attention than the other and resentment sets in.  It’s a disaster waiting to happen but, it feels good most of the time.  Drawing people in with the fun, hip music, drinking and eating in the sanctuary without reference for God’s place. What can we expect?  No respect for ourselves or God?

According to Church of God, “Islam is advancing around the world today and enjoys the prominence of being the fastest growing religious faith in the world. If it continues at the current pace of growth, some have said, it will exceed Catholicism in Europe by the year 2015. Islam is an “anti-Christ” religion, as are many faiths around the world outside of Christianity. This, too, has never occurred in a day and age when science and technology have produced weapons with mind-boggling destructive potential.”  This a fact and has already happened across the world.  Never before would this Nation allow those to serve without taking an oath to this Nation on the Bible. It’s a scary time when we allow those whom hate this Country to serve and enter without kicking their “Butts out of here”.  “And at the time of the end shall the king of the south push at him: and the king of the north shall come against him like a whirlwind, with chariots, and with horsemen, and with many ships; and he shall enter into the countries, and shall overflow and pass over” (Daniel 11:40). In Bible prophecy, the king of the south is radical Islam, led by Iran. The king of the north is Catholic-dominated Europe, led by Germany, according to cardinal Robert Sarah. Daniel 11:40 prophesies that Europe will be instigated by an aggressive king of the south. Iran is drawing closer and closer to having nuclear weapons by which it could threaten the West. Terrorist attacks are occurring all over Europe. Islam is literally pushing into Europe in the form of migrants who refuse to assimilate. I see it clearly in our Nation too. What will we stand for in the next 10 years?

What do Christain need to do?  Stand firm as the end of times are coming. Don’t fall for the Lies, False Teacher/preachers, Stand firm in your Faith and don’t quarral over trival things. My opinion is,  “Mark” being something small which we will not think much about. The “Mark” will be something insignificant but be wary and on guard.  If you think it is going to be a tattoo on your forehead of “666” you are highly mistaken. It will be something subtle that won’t bring much thought or it will be a mean of survival.

According to some sources, the false prophet will need your permission to give you the “mark” however, he will stop at nothing to presuade you to take it “or else”.  Parallel that to a vampire, you must invite him in but he can use compelling to enter. Not that vampires are real but, it seems like the false prophet may have the charming compelling way to get you to agree to this “mark”. Can you resist it? Here is one therory by some radical Christians: The first pressure is what Paul calls the strong delusion (2Th 2:11).  The second pressure takes care of the minority of defiant skeptics who do not fall for the strong delusion. It appears from the passage above that the False Prophet will command death for those who refuse the mark. To understand the third and fourth pressures requires a correct understanding of the prophetic roadmap and especially where the Great Tribulation fits in it. Most believe or have been taught that the Great Tribulation begins at the 1st seal. While the white horseman does indeed seem to fit the Antichrist, that’s an incorrect conclusion; it actually refers to what Jesus said about the many (religions) that would come in his name, talk about him, and deceive many (Mt 24:5).  Thus, the third pressure would be that, given the clear scarcity of food and clean water prior to the rise of the Beast, you will not get your basic living needs met without accepting the mark. But there are always stubborn, crafty and prepared people who would still refuse the mark and scratch out an existence “off the grid.” There is apparently another, fourth pressure that will take care of even them. (https://escapeallthesethings.com/mark-of-the-beast/). Nothing would suprise me. I see our Country is already losing the battle.  How can we survive without this “mark”?

“You will hear about wars. You will also hear people talking about future wars. Don’t be alarmed. Those things must happen. But the end still isn’t here. Nation will fight against nation. Kingdom will fight against kingdom. There will be earthquakes in many places. People will go hungry. All of those things are the beginning of birth pains” (Mark 13:7, 8 ESV).

Where is our Lord? How soon will he come?  No one can predict the coming of the Lord, be ready at all times. ““Now, brothers, you don’t need me to to write to you about the times and appointments*, because you know full well that the Day of the Lord will come just like a thief in the night—while they are saying, “Peace and safety,” then sudden destruction will come upon them like labor pains upon a pregnant woman, and they will not escape.” 1 Thessalonians 5:1-3. “Behold, I am coming like a thief! Blessed is the one who stays awake, keeping his garments on, that he may not go about naked and be seen exposed!” Revelation 16:15   But the day of the Lord will come like a thief, in which the heavens will pass away with a roar and the elements will be destroyed with intense heat, and the earth and its works will be burned up. 2 Peter 3:10. 

“No one knows about that day or hour, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father… Two men will be in the field; one will be taken and the other left. Two women will be grinding with the hand mill; one will be taken and the other left… Therefore keep watch, because you do not know on what day your Lord will come” (Matthew 24:36, 40, 42).

While this started as a entry to show that America is dying, it really is about the end of times and how easy to see that the world is waiting. Some are waiting for the Lord while other are living for today in the secular world.  I hope that I can be the person the Lord expects of me. Salt to others to the Glory to God.

The Lord stated we are all made in his image and he knew us before we were born.  So, we are special in his eyes.  We are called to be Salt & Light to those in the world and to show love. We are all unique creatures. Each person has different DNA, fingerprints, and thoughts.

Our thoughts are being attacked by Satan daily. We watch as our freedoms are taking from us. We are idle in while everything our Country is founded on is taken away bit by bit. Freedom, what is it? Each of us has our own ideas but, it should be for the masses as a whole not just for “special” groups.  Be humane to all is one of the biggest things God has called us to do.

Matthew 25:31-46, New American Bible translation

I question myself as I look back at why I started this blog. Because I have struggles with being content in relationships. When I feel like I have helped my man as much I can, I’m really to leave. It’s doesn’t matter if I’m married or just have a boyfriend. I just can’t find long term happiness with them. It’s my fault since I continue to find men who need someone to clean up their life. I have a savior complex, no matter how much therapy I been in, I can’t stop. Why my need to fix?

I don’t have daddy issues; my parents were married for almost 50 years, not perfect but decent. Where did this problem within me come from? There has been not clarity from psychologist or counseling in over 18 years. No amount of behavior modification helps the urge nor medication.

Honestly, I hate feeling this way. Actually, I dream  of being with someone who will take care of me, be conscious of my feelings, desires and needs. It seems I am constantly battling the lack of ability for my men to change. It is because I ask too much or expect them to want something more. You know, the changes are minor such as keeping their finances in order, clean up after themselves, taking care of their personal possessions….minor things really. It’s not too much to ask.

Where do I go from here? How do I find a happy place within my noise soul?

We live by the words of others. Words help define us as we grow. As children, we learn new words and love to share them with others. Where has time gone? No longer of the days of using the right words, just get to the point. I can’t just look at the pictures without a wordy description of what I hear, taste, see, feel, and smell.

I want to see the rich, vibrant colors of the stain glass and tapestries while  glimpsing of iridescent all around the stone and the marble altar, the glow of the candles with a wooden ornate cross leading the way in; tolling of the chiming bells, the joyful sounds of the altar bells, voices sings in harmony, organ pipes, and prayers in unison; aroma of the musky scents: the old hymnals, incenses, and bibles as well as grandmother’s perfume; the sweetness of the wine and the blandness of the wafer; sensing the warmth of the sun coming through the stain glass windows and discerning the spiritual world. How can someone not see the beauty around them?

Who decides what can be described as beautiful, pretty, lovely, aesthetic, ugly, boring, mediocre, quirky, ordinary, and the list goes on?

We all have an opinion but, we don’t have to force it down the throat of someone. The younger people seem to want it dumbed down or instantaneous gratification in order to get through life. I’m not ready to give up on humans whom appreciate   So, I will continue be wordy and descriptive since it is part of who I have become.

As we look forward do we also look back?  I think we have a hard time changing and we tend to repeat all of the same things over & over.  It takes a lot of dedication and strength to make changing in our lives.  Many of us do not have the ability to stay with it for 21 days which is the amount of time to create a new habit or to stop a habit. Old habits die hard as they say.

I have a friend who used a rubber band on his wrist to pop himself to reduce cussing.  His wife was tired of hearing cussing words on a daily basis in front of their small children and she threaten to leave him if he didn’t curb his “nasty” mouth.  How’s that for behavior modification?  That would not work for someone who enjoyed pain but, for him it was a mental trigger to stop cussing.  I think the threat of leaving would be my behavior modification.

We always want to make drastic changes in our lives as the new year starts but staying in our old ways is much easier than change.  So how do you create a change in your life as the New Year begins?

How it is that we feel restless with our sexual needs?  I know the Bible says “thou shall not commit adultery” and that he created 1 man & 1 woman.

The man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’   for she was taken out of man.” ²⁴ That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh. Genesis 2:23-24

I can’t help from wondering if these rules were made to harness women. Throughout time, men have been allowed to behave with their desires and women were locked into a certain set of rules. A man could divorce his wife for sexual misconduct however, what about a man? It seems he can write his wife off if she displeases him in any way.  We also see the Bible verses about the Temple Prostitutes.

Qedeshah likely originally referred to “consecrated maidens” who were employed in Canaanite and later Phoenician temples devoted to Ashtoreth worship. As such, the Biblical writers came to associate the fertility rites of Ashtoreth worship with sacred prostitution, and the word qedeshah, therefore, came to be used as a pejorative term for “prostitute.” https://www.biblicalarchaeology.org/daily/ancient-cultures/ancient-israel/sacred-prostitution-in-the-story-of-judah-and-tamar/